New book focuses on decline of marriage, restoration of the Catholic family

Much has been written about the decline of marriage in our time and from many perspectives. Some studies have noted the destructive effect on children and young people, others the effects on crime and the economic condition of society. John Lacken, author of The Traditional Catholic Family, is principally concerned with the effect that the decline of marriage and family has upon the Catholic Church and the faith of individual Catholics. If we can restore the Catholic family, he argues, then the restoration of our civilization will follow.

Lacken begins by chronicling the dramatic decline of marriage in his native Ireland. In the Ireland in which Lacken grew up, over 90% of the population went to Sunday Mass, many shops closed on Sundays and Holy Days, divorce was not legal, and shops did not sell pornography. All this changed in the 1990s. Today, 41% of Irish children are born outside marriage as compared with a mere 1.80% in 1962. There has also been a great increase in the age at which people get married and have children. As of 2021, the average age for a first-time mother in Ireland was 31. Such statistics are, of course, reflected across much of the Western world. For example, in the United States in 1960, 72% of 24-year-olds were married compared with only 9% today.

Having highlighted the West’s predicament, Lacken then moves on to prescribing the remedy: the restoration of the traditional Catholic family. Lacken cites the late Jesuit Fr. John Hardon, who noted that the strength of the family is the strength of the Church:

Where the Christian family… is strong, the Catholic Church is strong. Where the family is weak, the Church is weak. Where the family is struggling for survival, the Church is struggling for survival. Where the Catholic family is dying, the Catholic Church in those cultures and countries is dying. And once the Catholic family, as instituted by Christ disappears, the Church of Jesus Christ has been removed from that nation and people.

He highlights more explicitly how a range of wrongs can be put right if we ‘get the Catholic family right’:

If we get the Catholic family right, we will…restore the Catholic Church to its rightful place as the moral leader of the societies of the world…there will be an increase in the vocations to priestly and religious life…abortion will be conquered and come to an end…divorce and family breakdown will be drastically reduced…we will reduce the suicide rate…the number of people afflicted with same-sex attraction will decline…

Lacken gives a succinct summary of the church’s teaching on marriage. There are eight essential marks of marriage: it must be between one man and one woman, the primary end is the procreation and education of children, marriage is indissoluble, it must be open to life, the couple must be free to marry and there must be no coercion, consent to marriage must be freely given. Finally, marriage is a union for life. If any of these elements is missing, no marriage can be contracted. Catholics need to remember that marriage is a sacrament and therefore a source of sanctifying grace and it is only this sanctifying grace which allows us to live our lives in conformity with the will of God. Helping your spouse in getting to heaven is a key part of marriage for a Catholic.

But Lacken does not exclusively focus on marriage, but also highlights the important role played by holy virginity and celibacy. The Church teaches that the celibate religious life is a higher calling than marriage, but this does not undermine marriage. The starting point for defending marriage and family life is to defend the exalted position of virginity. Lacken states:

It is only by defending the greater good of virginity that we can protect and defend the ‘lesser’ good of marriage…Those of us who are married should not be dismayed on account of virginity being a higher state than the married state. We should rather rejoice in our Godly state of life and we should realise that the higher state of virginity enhances our own vocation.

The church’s teaching in this area has been ignored for 50 years, argues Lacken. This, he says, has led to an increase in marital breakdown, large decline in the number of religious vocations, an increase in cohabitation before marriage, acceptance of same-sex relationships and a big decrease in the numbers of young people choosing to save sex for marriage. Lacken states:

If the virginal state is not an exalted state, why would anyone choose to remain a virgin? If losing one’s virginity is no big deal, why wait until marriage for sexual intimacy or why reserve physical intimacy for marriage? If physical intimacy does not need to be reserved for marriage because there is nothing special about virginity, then why reserve physical intimacy to persons of the opposite sex?

Lacken continues:

If being a virgin does not matter, then it follows that marriage does not really matter either…If virginity does not matter than we as persons do not matter, and our sexual nature becomes a utility…to be used as and when we please and purely for the purpose of pleasure…Virginity is sacred because human beings are sacred…The virgin is a unique, complete, and whole person who, when consecrated to God, reflects the image and likeness of God from their soul in a way that is radiantly and dazzlingly pure…The beauty and importance of virginity must be communicated to our young people so that they will protect this treasure.

Lacken does not ignore or gloss over the fact that many marriages are difficult. Two chapters focus on the experiences of Blessed Elizabeth Canori Mora and Servant of God Elisabeth Leseur, two women who heroically persevered through marriages with unbelieving or unfaithful husbands. Yet their holy example converted both their husbands, both of whom became priests following the death of their wives.

However, Lacken explains that ‘When we look at the lives of the saints, we are called to imitate their virtues but not necessarily their actions’. Catholics cannot divorce but in certain circumstances couples can legitimately separate. This can become a duty in cases of danger to one’s life or the health and well-being of children.

There are four aspects of traditional marriage that are under fierce attack in modern Western societies: marriage as a procreative union, the union of one man and one woman, the concept of male and female, and the indissolubility of marriage.

Lacken sees contraception as the most significant attack on the primary end of marriage and chronicles the history of how its use began to become accepted among Christians, starting with the 1930 Anglican Lambeth Conference. Contraceptive use among Catholics is now at an all-time high. The acceptance of contraception has ultimately led to widespread promiscuity and abortion.

Lacken also describes the long decline of modesty in dress, the rise of ever more permissive sex education and the deconstruction of male and female, which he sees as having begun as early as the 1950s with the undermining of distinctly male and female dress codes and ending in the transgender madness we see today.

This book is an immensely useful guide to defending marriage in our time, full of invaluable practical and spiritual advice on building a healthy Catholic family. It works both as an apologetic work for Catholic moral teaching and as an inspiring call for the reform of Catholic family life.

The Traditional Catholic Family: Bedrock of the Catholic Church, Bedrock of Society and Culture—A Handbook for Matrimony
By John Lacken
Legio Sanctae Familiae, 2023
Paperback, 146 pages