Boys, men, and dads

It’s easy to overlook the 1951 novel Dan England and the Noonday Devil. Published in the long shadow cast by his first and most famous 1928 novel, Mr. Blue, Myles Connelly’s third and personal favorite book follows the life of a protagonist who lives his entire life unmarried and childless.

Having only recently discovered this book myself, I was struck by one particularly haunting passage.

“Selfishness, Henry,” Dan replied. “Complete selfishness. I live improvidently because that seems to me to be the happiest manner of living. I live independently because my ego is uncomfortable before even the idea of a superior. My whole existence is very much like a bad play. It projects nothing. It has neither development nor climax.”

“If I had married and had children, I would have some justification for the gift of life. But again I was afraid.”

“Today, fatherhood is a heroic calling. The father of olden times was in many ways an idyllic character, living serenely in the bosom of family, planning and saving for the future. But today he lives in turmoil and toils in vain. If he is industrious, if he is competent, he does not work for his family and the future but for the lazy and incompetent everywhere. No longer has his home the peace of the old homestead. His children ride in engines of death and destruction, and the jangling of the telephone in the depth of the night may mean tragedy in the air or on the highway. Diseases of the mind, born of the madness and artificiality of the modern environment, derange and sometimes destroy those he loves.”

“More menacing is the increased threat against faith and morals endlessly made by an increasingly arrogant and unbelieving world. More dangerous by far are the soul’s diseases (with skepticism and apathy predominating), present always like a plague. Life outside of the monastic walls is perilous, fiercely competitive, often brutal. The dedicated father today is a hero, and if you ask why he faces his burdens so bravely, I can answer only because in him is the stuff of saints. Not for him is the consolation of applause. The mother is praised in song and extolled in story. But the father walks the common way without bugles, without drums, with no flags flying. He, truly, has given hostages to fortune.”

“Those holy men and women who have given up the world are glorious children of God, but if there were no harassed, slaving poor fathers, there would be none of those glorious children, if for no other reason than they would never have been born. Peace of mind and peace of soul are lovely possessions but they are not for the dedicated father. The particular saint in him demands that he go out and meet the challenge of the day, that he be concerned not with his own serenity and well-being but with those in his care, that he venture forth into the world and there, thick in the masses of men, seek the opportunity to love his neighbor and to love his enemy, so that, in advance and not in retreat, in battle and not in seclusion, he may prove himself worthy of Him who has shared with him the divine power of creation.”

“The priest may offer his Mass and the nun her sacrifices, and the contemplatives may send up their unceasing assault of prayer and mortification – all may cry out for succor, may plead to stay the hand of Eternal Justice – but it is the father, that undistinguished, yawning many you see in the early morning leaving home for the shop, the office, the factory, the mine – that tired, troubled person you see returning home at night, often with a smile that is false and a cheerfulness without foundation – it is he who is the first warrior and the first guardian of the Faith. For he is the captain of the home, the citadel on which the Christian civilization is built. There is no order or organization to record his heroism or promote his beatification. He is the common, oftentimes inglorious beast of burden, his greatest distinction being the resemblance he bears to the ass that carried Christ.”

Yes, Dan England’s soliloquy-of-sorts is about fatherhood. But it is first about manhood. And it is more fundamentally about the desire to be a man. A healthy culture needs to produce boys who want to grow up to become men who are husbands and fathers.

It’s clear that almost 75 years after Connolly wrote this passage, the situation is not good. The typical American boy is struggling. And struggles start early. A report by the Institute for Family Studies indicates that boys earn 70% of the D’s and F’s handed out in American schools. Only 24 percent of 8^th grade boys are proficient in reading and only 20% of them are proficient in writing. Boys make up two-thirds of the remedial education population, and the evidence suggests that lack of effort (as opposed to intelligence differences) are the reason.

Boys’ struggles continue after high school. A separate report by the Institute for Family Studies states that young men now make up only 40 percent of the students on college campuses, well below both the historical average and boy’s representation in the college-aged population. Perhaps not surprisingly, roughly a quarter of American men aged 21 to 30 reported in 2015 that they had not worked at all in the previous twelve months. It’s probably also not a shock that, since 2012, the majority of children born to women under 30 are born into fatherless homes.

In a culture occupied with concerns regarding “systemic” this and “systemic” that, it is easy to wonder why the media is not urging us to find the villain who victimized our boys. And while chasing the answer to that question may have some merit, if it leaves us only shaking our fist at screens, perhaps we should consider the possibility that our frustration is proving fruitless.

So, what can we do?

Remember Moses. When the 80-year-old sheep herder expressed doubt that he could possibly do what God has asked him, God simply responds, “What is that in your hand?” (Ex 4:1-5). A puzzled Moses looks at the staff he is carrying and then follows God’s direction to throw it to the ground. He then watches in amazement as God turns the stick into a serpent and then back again. Each of us has something which can help the plight of boys. If we use the simple things we have been given, God will direct our efforts toward His purpose.

To that end, think of the boys in your life.

Consider how you can teach them to know God, love Him and worship Him.

Encourage them to develop integrity, character, and virtue.

To ask questions, to think, consider information, be curious, reflect, gain knowledge, and aspire to wisdom.

To develop patience, remain attentive, work hard and persist through difficulty.

To choose wisely, accept responsibility, have courage, exercise temperance, and live justly.

To play fairly, compete hard, remain humble in victory and gracious in defeat.

To know when to offer a handshake or hug and when to stand up straight, take a punch and throw one, too.

To opt for the difficult right over the easy wrong.

To deny oneself, save, build, invest, create.

To appreciate the value of things, the dignity of people, and the beauty created by God.

To honor, respect, and protect girls and women.

To revere propriety.

To see clearly, speak purposefully, and live intentionally.

To love joyfully.

Boys who learn these things become men who do these things. This Father’s Day, let’s celebrate the men out there who marry, stay married, protect, honor, serve, and love their families more than they love themselves. The men who teach their children, who stand up and keep standing. And do so unapologetically and unwaveringly.

Let’s pray for them and ask God to bless them and give them the strength to endure a world that is often not kind to them. Rather than curse the unkindness, let’s pray that God gives these men fortitude.

So that despite being maligned, these men remain resolute.

So that despite being frequently targeted, they stay unafraid.

So that despite being despised in some circles, these men maintain their joy.

So that despite being damaged, they refuse to be broken.

So that despite living often unsung lives, these men know they are needed.

Today more than ever.

Happy Father’s Day.