I have heard them before, many times before. They were once true.
But when I heard these three old assumptions spoken recently by Catholic dads and a priest, they rang hollow. They are just not true anymore. And abiding by them could have terrible consequences—eternal consequences.
1. Young Catholics who drift away from the Church in college and early adulthood will return when they have children.
This was once the case, when being part of a church and practicing a religion was socially acceptable among adults. “It’s just what you do when you have kids.”
But for today’s parents of the Millennial and Gen Z cohorts, religion and attending church are not things to do. Child sports and activities, all weekend long, are socially accepted; attending church is not. I was shocked when last month I heard a baseball father include, while running through his family’s activities later that Sunday (it was a 9:00 a.m. game), that “we might catch church later.” Usually, that last detail is not mentioned when adults discuss their family schedules, which these days is the main subject of small talk. At any rate, of his two sons’ activities for that day, church was the only one spoken in the subjunctive.
Pew Research Forum’s latest numbers support the anecdote: 28% of Catholics attend Mass weekly while 58% of Catholics are ages 50 and older. The data is clear: young people are leaving, and they are not coming back.
2. Catholic schools and religious education programs will supply everything my children need to live their faith.
It’s dubious whether Catholic schools alone ever provided all the formation necessary to form live-long Catholics. In the pre-conciliar days, when the Catholic identity at schools was palpable, and this identity was reinforced at home and within ethnic neighborhoods, Catholic schools certainly made a major contribution to forming their students.
But theirs was never meant to be a solo mission, though some less zealous parents relied on parish schools to do all the formation work.
Today, by contrast, seven hours a day in even the most robust Catholic schools is merely a blip in lives consumed by secular living and anti-religious messaging that is both in the culture and streaming into kids’ heads via smart phones constantly. A child with a Catholic education not buttressed by home and something of a social life may not have been formed adequately enough to make the decision to remain Catholic, while so many of his friends have quit.
Religious education programs, consuming a tiny hour of a busy week, have virtually no chance of imparting the faith to students without major support at home and in the community. The sad reality is that religious education, whose classroom team with the 72% of children not attending Mass, is just another activity for disinterested, over-scheduled, unchurched kids.
In this situation, religious education is as impactful as a raindrop in an ocean.
3. Providing my children a good example by attending Mass and living a decent life is all they need to stay Catholic.
This assumption resembles the previous. Like it, this was always a bold assumption, one that could be believed when children lived their faith within a school and a supportive culture. Within this milieu, the faith could be “caught” from parents who could get away with not teaching it.
But today, absent the school and supporting culture, what a faithful parent believes to be a decent example of Catholic living will be perceived as something very different by his children who have a very different—and non-religious—worldview.
I have seen this play out in my life. I am the oldest of four children. We all went to Catholic school from kindergarten through college. We attended Mass every Sunday—my father often reiterated his two rules for us, and one was that, as long as we lived under his roof, we had to attend Mass each Sunday. But our Mass and school attendance was not supported by any additional religious practice, in the form of prayer, conversation, or instruction, at home. Our weekly parish bulletin and diocesan newspaper were the only signs of life beyond the church, and my dad and I were the only ones interested in them.
Today, years later, I am the only one of my siblings who practices the faith. We match the depressing national average: one out of four.
What lesson do we draw in realizing that these three assumptions have expired?
Forming our children in the faith has to be an intentional, daily effort that requires the combined efforts of parents, schools, and social circles that care about the faith. That is, if we do not successfully evangelize and convince our children with strong witness, direct catechesis and prayer at home, and communal Catholic living, their Catholic faith, barring a miracle, will likely not survive through adulthood.
The peril of believing these expired assumptions is that they make Catholics passive observers rather than active evangelizers of the Faith. In Post-Christian America, waiting for wayward Catholics to come back, or depending on others to teach our own children the faith, or believing we can live the faith before our children without also explaining it, resembles Samuel Beckett’s Vladimir and Estragon waiting for Godot—he just isn’t coming.
The same will be said of our children coming to the faith if we do not get to work.
If you value the news and views Catholic World Report provides, please consider donating to support our efforts. Your contribution will help us continue to make CWR available to all readers worldwide for free, without a subscription. Thank you for your generosity!
Click here for more information on donating to CWR. Click here to sign up for our newsletter.
Well, in truth I think a lot of the issue stems from a lack of information coming from the priests at church. We no longer talk about the reality of sin, the need for Confession, sinfulness in the sense of illicit sexual activity,how attending church on Sunday is NOT optional but a serious sin (and why). Of course you would equally talk about God’s love and forgiveness. But the current exclusive emphasis on that has not served us well. There cannot be forgiveness without an acknowledgement of one’s sins and failings, and asking for forgiveness first. I am aware the fear is even fewer people will want to come to church if they are told the “shocking” truth. Maybe. If that is the case, so be it. It might be the church would actually flourish with a more faithful and dedicated, if smaller, congregation. The status quo of “I’m ok, You’re ok”, giving everyone a pass to ignore church morality, is just not working. The current generation was given an easy slide and they are not attending church, nor marrying in the church nor baptizing their babies. If anything they are getting married by Elvis impersonators and skipping baptism totally.
Yup, we have solid evidence of a lost generation & still we tell ourselves the lie…. They’ll be back, we’re OK & popcorn and balloons will keep the faith…
Dominus flevit
The “lost generation” and the “lie.”
How about a book oriented toward this lsot generation, by yours truly, and entitled “A Generation Abandoned”(2017)? About which, this author interview entitled “The Big Lie and a Generation Abandoned”: https://www.catholicworldreport.com/2018/03/29/a-generation-abandoned-why-whatever-is-not-enough/
To me, your comment wasn’t helpful to anyone considering returning, and families who fear for their children or grandchildren who wandered away. It sounded much too comically negative in this chaotically secular world with quadruple diversions. What’s lost can be found! Has there ever been a time when Catholicism wasn’t under siege, even in Catholic countries (when people automatically belonged to whatever church the rulers belonged to)? Our Lord told us clearly that our Church will continue. We can do our part by being hopeful, praying, being the best role models possible, volunteering… There are in fact reverts. There are examples of people visiting family, attending a Catholic wedding, baptism, and/or funeral and hearts beat with memories of faith. There are spiritual insights and quiet visits to churches. These are all hopeful signs, and please don’t link me to pie in the sky thinking/believing.
There is often an agenda in the media, research, and naysayers to report negatives only, which are not motivators for positive change. Most of it almost sounds defiantly hopeless and guilt laden versus love laden.
I applaud CWR and Carl for publishing this article however sobering. I think Catholics are finely waking up to just how toxic and anti-Christian our culture is. From social media and entertainment to the universities and boardrooms, the entire ecosystem is designed to uproot and destroy the last vestiges of one’s Christian heritage. As my grandma used to quote, when Christ returns will he fine any faith left.
As a rare exception to these patterns, yours truly points to the galvanizing effect that ICONIC MOMENTS might have, rather than extended curricula. In 2001-2004 I was serving on the pastoral council for the Archdiocese of Seattle. We conducted 12 listening sessions (yawn, but predating so-called synodality!) across Western Washington. One small parish actually had figured out the adolescent-boredom thing…
Totally on their own, fully 75 (!) of the youth of a remote parish were meeting on their own, every Sunday night, to study the Catechism (!) and then to spend the week engaging their siblings AND their parents. What happened? Same had had their eyes opened at a World Youth Day–a trip they paid for themselves by doing odd jobs and scrimping.
More on the home front, sometimes a convinced and itinerant WITNESS might spark the interest. Maybe displaying traveling relics. Something like the mendicant Dominicans and Franciscans in centuries past. More effective than routinized classes routinely taught by routine dispensers of routinized information.
Then there’s the most unique “event” of all human history, the INCARNATION in backwater Judea, as Cardinal Ratzinger featured in his revisionist work on the Second Vatican Council’s “Dei Verbum.” But, to “get” this and to “get” the Real Presence (buried in the Catechism as #1374) requires functional literacy and consciousness, and sometimes both already have been deadened by either porn or cell phone apps, or both.
But, sometimes, still, a writer like G.K. CHESTERTON, who authored the enthralling “Orthodoxy” over a decade before he converted, and who also said this of the real successors of the apostles: “Those runners [messengers of the Gospel] gather impetus as they run. Ages afterwards they still speak as if something [the “event”] had just happened. They have not lost the speed and momentum of messengers; they have hardly lost, as it were, the wild eyes of witnesses. . . .We might sometimes fancy that the Church grows younger as the world grows old” (“The Everlasting Man”).
“If there is a union of a private nature, there is neither a third party, nor is society affected.”- Jorge Bergoglio, as a cardinal, denying sin done in private is sin, denying The Sanctity of the marital act within The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, and that we, who are Baptized Catholic, are Called to be, “Temples of The Holy Ghost”. (God’s Universal Call To Holiness).
The unforgivable sin, blasphemy of The Holy Ghost, making it appear as if it is Loving and Merciful to desire that we or our Beloved remain in our sin, and not desire to overcome our sinful inclinations and become transformed by accepting Salvational Love, God’s Gift of Grace and Mercy.
For if it were true that it is Loving and Merciful that we desire that we or our beloved remain in our sin and not desire to overcome our disordered inclination , and become transformed through Salvational Love, God’s Gift of Grace and Mercy, we would have no need for our only Savior, Jesus The Christ.
You can only have a Great Apostasy from The True Church of Christ, Christ’s One, Holy, Catholic, And Apostolic Church, Through The Unity of The Holy Ghost(Filioque).
“For The Holy Spirit was not promised to the successors of Peter that by His revelation they might make known new doctrine, but that by His assistance they might inviolably keep and faithfully expound the Revelation, the Deposit of Faith, delivered through the Apostles. ”
“Actually only those are to be included as members of the Church who have been baptized and profess the true faith, and who have not been so unfortunate as to separate themselves from the unity of the Body, or been excluded by legitimate authority for grave faults committed. (Mystici Coporis 22)”
For those who claim that Jorge Bergoglio is the Pope of The True Church of Christ, why is he creating a magisterium that serves as a contradiction to Sacred Tradition, Sacred Scripture, and The Teaching of every previous Magisterium, Grounded in The Deposit Of Faith, Entrusted To His Church By The Word Of God Who Has Revealed Himself to His Church?
Either the election of a man to the Papacy who denies The Unity Of The Holy Ghost, and thus the Deposit Of Faith is not valid, or it is possible for Christ’s One, Holy, Catholic, And Apostolic Church, Through The Unity Of The Holy Ghost (Filioque), to be both For Christ, and anti Christ, which is blasphemy.
The pope himself, if notoriously guilty of heresy, would cease to be pope because he would cease to be a member of the Church.”[vii]
Jorge Bergoglio fell into heresy, prior to his election to The Papacy, thus the election of Jorge Bergoglio is not valid. Every cardinal who was aware of the heresy of Jorge Bergoglio but voted for him, Ipso facto defected from The Catholic Church.
“Behold your Mother.”
Pray that a Council be Called to restore The Papacy, so that Our Blessed Mother’s Immaculate Heart will be Triumphant and Peace will be restored in Christ’s Church.
Dear Blessed Mother Mary, Mirror Of Justice And Destroyer Of All Heresy, Who Through Your Fiat, Affirmed The Filioque, and thus the fact that There Is Only One Son Of God, One Word Of God Made Flesh, One Lamb Of God Who Can Taketh Away The Sins Of The World, Our Only Savior, Jesus The Christ, thus there can only be, One Spirit Of Perfect Complementary Love Between The Father And The Son, Who Must Proceed From Both The Father And The Son, In The Ordered Communion Of Perfect Complementary Love, The Most Holy And Undivided Blessed Trinity (Filioque), hear our Prayer.
“Penance, Penance, Penance”
At the heart of Liberty Is Christ, “4For it is impossible for those who were once illuminated, have tasted also the heavenly gift and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, 5Have moreover tasted the good word of God and the powers of the world to come…”, to not believe that Christ’s Sacrifice On The Cross will lead us to Salvation, but we must desire forgiveness for our sins, and accept Salvational Love, God’s Gift Of Grace And Mercy; believe in The Power And The Glory Of Salvation Love, and rejoice in the fact that No Greater Love Is There Than This, To Desire Salvation For One’s Beloved. “Hail The Cross, Our Only Hope.”
“Blessed are they who are Called to The Marriage Supper Of The Lamb.”
“For where your treasure is there will your heart be also.”
“Behold your Mother.” – Christ On The Cross
The three basic assumptions are conditioned by an unrealistic condition: That either one of the three is sufficient. Reason doesn’t, at least in general, operate that way. For example, the realistic view is that faithful, cognizant Catholic parents would presume all three. And then some.
And then some, is Bonagura’s closing premise, that parents avoid becoming “passive observers rather than active evangelizers of the Faith”. Bonagura’s personal experience and its assessment would require all. But then today’s parents as Bonagura observes aren’t realistic regarding priorities and expectations. Somewhere along the line parents require reconversion.
Thank you, David for this lucid and difficult article and for fighting the good fight!
With the culture in a rot, St. Benedict turned away from it. If the vicarious head of a Church is in a rut, we should go to his boss.
When I left the Church, my mother made great prayer sacrifice on my behalf. I don’t know how many Masses were said for intention and my salvation, but I suspect there were many.
She would have me meet her for lunch inside the church after noon Mass. Incense mingled with the breath of Christ emanating from the faithful. His Presence gently overwhelmed me, and He moved my hard and silly and stupid and sinful soul to realize He was the best Person alive then, now and forever.
Prayer will do what men cannot.
As a long-time consumer of Catholic media (articles, blogs, or podcasts), lately I’m finding these articles tedious. All problems, no solutions. It’s not just this site (CWR) or this author (who is rather excellent, btw). Catholic media in general is in a depressive state.
I know these types of articles are meant to “disrupt” and throw cold water on our complacency. They itemize the many dysfunctions in contemporary Catholicism. However, ultimately, they are long on itemizing problems, and short on practical solutions– other than “we need to get to work” or “we need to do better”.
Professor Bonagura, what do you propose to faithful, orthodox-minded Catholic parents as practical alternatives to these–yes, rather worn-out–but sometimes practical cliches of handing on the faith?
Should stressed, working Catholic parents maybe set up their own evangelization/apologetics soapbox in the corner of their house –so maybe our kids will hear the doctrines of the Catholic faith in between sports practices and eating a meal together at the dinner table? Even better, why not build a shrine in a corner the house with rare relics and paintings to show them the beauty of the faith amidst Disney and Bluey? Or better yet, why don’t we form a community with other like-minded Catholic parents– who are equally struggling and frazzled with trying to pay for Catholic education and getting kids to Mass on Sunday. Maybe we can “partner” with our parish priest–who may or may not share our orthodoxy– who is overwhelmed with sick calls and running two parishes.
I’m sure you’re aware that raising kids in 2024 is not an easy task, and that the task is compounded for those wanting to hand on the orthodox, Catholic faith. The cliches you cite are not necessarily meant to be a manual, but they do provide a bit of balm for overworked parents, who otherwise feel helpless in the monumental task of raising the next generation of devout Catholics.
Hello Alexlogus. You asked for some practical suggestions. Here are some. They are just that; pardon the imperative verbs which make this easier.
1. Make time for family prayer every day. Maybe that’s only five minutes at bedtime. But bring everyone together and make it happen. Pray grace before meals.
2. Talk about current events at dinner. There are lots of bad ones going on that can be critiqued, and in doing so you are teaching the faith.
3. If you have little kids and let them watch videos, show them the kids cartoons on Formed.org. They are cheesy for anyone over 10, but they are entertaining for little ones and they learn a lot.
4. Make friends with other Catholics who take their faith seriously and invite them over with their kids. This way your kids know that they are not the only ones who take religion seriously.
These suggestions integrate Catholicism into regular life. They can be done no matter how busy we are.
There are no guarantees in life. Doing these things won’t ensure your kids love their faith. But in doing them, you are making the effort. If we don’t make the effort, then we know the outcomes most certainly won’t be good.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. These suggestions are helpful and down-to-earth. Much appreciated!
My apologies if my comment came across as rude. I have kids, ages 3 through 9, so it’s an issue close to my heart. I know a lot of older parents, who made a great effort to hand on the faith, whose children(now adults) are non-practicing. I wonder if I can fare any better in handing on the faith, especially as the culture becomes even more hostile and the institutional Church grows more scandalous. But your caution is warranted that there are no guarantees and to not take anything for granted. Thanks again!
Here are a couple of additional thoughts.
Use the Church’s morning and evening prayer to bookend your day as a family so the kids are exposed to the prayers. If you use a site like Divine Office, you can note the people around the world praying.
Before evening meal (which should be eaten at the table) discuss the Saint of the Day. This can be relatively short on the saint’s life but also talk about how the Saint might live his/her faith in today’s secular age. Eventually have the kids be the ones who say how that Saint would live out his/her faith.
I’ve heard of four things strongly correlated with kids staying Catholic as adults:
The dad goes to church with the family.
The kids are well-catechized (which means, don’t count on your parish or school doing it, get a Baltimore or Roman catechism or somesuch, and start teaching them yourself).
The faith is made part of everyday life. That’s prayer, both personal and family, and teaching them different ways to pray; cultural practices like celebrating Feast days, Saint days, Baptism days; fasting so they can see the example and eventually join it; giving alms and doing good works as a family.
And, interestingly, the way parents discipline the children is subjected to reason, and directed toward teaching, explaining, and guiding, rather than toward punishing, controlling, bribing, or manipulating. This isn’t an objection to those things as methods, but if the goal is to get the kid to do the thing, rather than to teach the kid why and how to do the thing, you wind up with a child who only did it because they were made to, or because they liked it, and not because it is right and reasonable. And therefore they will stop doing it as soon as they aren’t made to and they don’t like it.
I think most of the parents who made a great effort and whose children left the faith may have made a great effort without actually doing these things. Of course, children have free will, but they are also wired to receive what their parents give. But no matter the parents’ desire or efforts, children can’t receive what they aren’t given.
No Alexlogus, I am not looking for followers but I say this in favour of CWR: my threads speak of wonderful things not all problems plus not to mention many solutions.
Speaking for myself. Anyway other CWR commenters even do a better job of that!
You maybe do all that reading and you’re not looking where you’re going. You have the same synodal virus self-infecting pandemic afflicting members of the hierarchy?
You zone to trap comboxes and then can’t see any way out perhaps?
Good news of the day – that the cause of beatification of Luisa of Divine Will has been resumed – https://en.luisapiccarretaofficial.org/news/communication-of-the-postulator-msgr-paolo-rizzi-about-the-cause-of-beatification/1944
The above might help much in clarifying the faith and Sacraments and Scripture .
Interestingly the trials that the Holy Father has been allowed to undergo seem related – being misunderstood , misquoted and so on . Such might be the case about quotes alleged to him from a book from an interview with an old rabbi in 2010 that is held up time and again to
put serious false labels on him. The recent revelation as to how in one case atleast,
the Holy Father was charged about being unjust in removing a person from an important post at the Vatican ,the true nature of the serious defects in the person came out recently – even though there was heroic silence on the part of the Holy Father for years .
Well known writes Luis Martinez – talking about the peace that our Lord gives – how it is beautiful , profound , efficacious .. the very peak of all graces ..how the world cannot counterfeit same .. Noteworthy how in Liturgy we are blessed with that peace ..yet often neglect to be able to take it in to the depth of hearts due to the ? hardness of hearts from doing holy things in an unholy manner as warned in the Passion mediations ..to invoke it often into ourselves and others , when we enter our homes ..hearts of others in thinking of them …unto wounded memories ..ironically , it is another group who often use the phrase – PBUH often …the dialogues , the Synods , the blessings – Holy Father likely invoking that peace unto all near and far doing his share of responsibility for which he would be rewarded in accord even when those he intends to have same rejects it ….
‘fill the jars to the top ‘ – invoking His peace to all , even to those who in secular realm who ought to know what destroys peace in families yet in the hardness of hearts with lust for power set on mission to do just that ..with trust that our Lord is still not short on surprises , as often we are reminded by the Holy Father and as narrated by the heart warming story, good to share with family too -https://spiritdailyblog.com/afterlife/surfing-to-heaven
Peace !
The fact is that the foundation of our Catholic faith is based upon a biblical understanding of reality, which was increasingly abandoned in our culture, which is grounded in a radical secular understanding of reality. The founding fathers, many of whom were Masons, supported religions for their moral value. As Benjamin Franklin put it, men are bad enough with religion, imagine how worse they would be without it. Sadly, now we know.
It is very difficult to believe Sunday Mass is very important after the church closed its doors during covid. Here in Ireland they remained closed for years, suddenly what was critical became incidental.This combined with the never ending sagas streaming from the Vatican do not inspire confidence. Many people who did not return when the doors reopened are people of faith, they became like the early church, meeting and praying. The church in some cases supported vaccine mandates, seems the ill-gotten fruits of abortion are not always unacceptable. Never ending meetings about blessing gays etc is not the way forward. There will be no return to the pews while the church is perceived as worldly. The hurt is real.
Meanwhile the devil the “angel of light” was oppressing Pell and Vigneron while making new openings and promotions and protective cover for “the prodigy” of synodalism.
It isn’t merely about hurt. It’s about scandal and being instrumentalized/co-opted.
Exactly.
We are told that the Eucharist is the Source and Summit of our life and something we just can’t live without. And then they closed the doors and refused the sacraments for weeks if not months.
I know a lot of people who are still alive who have not had (or ever had) the Eucharist in years. I know a lot of non-Catholics who have had happy marriages going on 20, 30, 40 years–even through drug addiction and alcoholism. And Catholics who can’t hold theirs together (Crisis magazine wrote an article on that one, actually.)
Belief is very difficult.
Thank you, Professor Bonagura. Here is the 4th assumption I think we should bury: That the culture at large is ambivalent as to whether our children remain Catholic. When, in fact, much of the culture, including the educational establishment, is virulently opposed to Catholicism. This means parents must be well educated in why we believe what we do and in the cockeyed ideologies masquerading as “education” to which children are subjected.
Congrats, you’re past level one. You are correct, we are NEVER coming back. Next step on your journey is a realization of the fact that skepticism is 100% reasonable. Maybe it’s not them (those who left) who are confused? Maybe it’s you? Maybe it’s YOUR claims about the universe that need more scrutiny?
The primary impediment to Christian evangelization is NOISE.
In ages prior to mass communication, cell phones and endless bombardment of the masses from every angle with incessant, audio, visual and mental distractions of ungodly origin make concentration on any one element impossible. In these times we have no time to pray and no silent time for ourselves. This situation is of demonic origin and is sustained and perpetuated by the enemies of God.
I can’t even go to Mass without Country Joe and the Buckaroos up front and center “practicing” before Mass. Yes, they have another place in the parish center where they could practice and allow people coming early to Mass the ability to pray in SILENCE. But do they? Never. Part of it, I know, is for attention. After all, they have a captive audience. The fact that some people actually come to Church to pray in silence is not on their radar screen. In society, it is immeasurably worse.
We won’t see true and lasting Christian Catholic evangelization until the world has been silenced. Until we can break away from the noise of the world, even the best and holiest evangelizers are doing little more than pissing upwind in a hurricane.
The first one where it states that children will come back to the faith once they become parents is not limited to Catholicism but it should read Christianity. I am a lifelong Methodist and I heard it many times growing up.
This problem applies almost exclusively to the NO Mass communities. Our Anglican Ordinariate and TLM (FSSP) communities are growing in leaps and bounds, and are primarily composed of young couples with large numbers of children. This is where the future of the Church lies, not in the dessicated and dying version of the Mass the modernists have been serving us with for the past half century. I for one will never go to a NO Mass again in my life.