Puebla, Mexico, Oct 19, 2024 / 07:00 am (CNA).
It’s common for families to attend Saturday vigil or Sunday Mass with their small children, which can sometimes lead to interruptions due to children crying or playing. Two Catholic priests have some advice aimed at improving the experience for both parents and other Mass attendees.
Father Vicente Eliamar Vega, a priest of the Diocese of Saltillo in the Mexican state of Coahuila, started out by saying that it’s essential to get children used to fulfilling the obligation to attend Mass weekly, as well as on holy days of obligation, “for the glory of God and the salvation of their souls.”
Vega urged families to maintain this practice and take their children to church, since “it’s the way in which we are going to prolong the heritage of faith.”
Father José Juan Montalvo — known on social media as Father Borre — founder of online ministry for the Archdiocese of Monterrey in the state of Nuevo León, called for patience and asked people to remember that the noise and behavior of children are natural for their age and that “this is what the hope and future of our Church sounds like.”
Advice for parents
Montalvo said he often encourages parents to look for a parish where there are special celebrations for children.
However, the priest explained, whether or not this type of Mass is available, it is essential that parents accompany their children and not only let them “experience the Mass as children but gradually educate them.”
He suggested teaching them something new every time they attend Mass, such as explaining the moment of the consecration, the readings, or when it’s time to pray or stand up. Thus, parents can “be catechists” for their children “during Mass.”
He also suggested that parents look for resources “on dynamics or tasks.” He recommended using a “checklist” with elements of the celebration to keep them attentive. For example, they can recognize simple elements such as a chalice or remember which apostle the Gospel of the day was from.
Montalvo indicated that these types of lists or activities can be found on the internet, so “little by little” children can be taught “how to live the Mass, but with a lot of patience, with a lot of pedagogy.”
Advice for priests
Vega emphasized the importance of “forging the heart in the love of Sunday Mass,” pointing out that in this regard priests play a fundamental role.
He suggested that, with charity, the priest himself or one of his assistants could “directly get the child’s attention.”
“This has a more intense effect than if the father or mother did it,” he explained.
Although this measure could provoke some reactions, Vega noted that “it’s not something that should cause scandal,” since “Christian education is firm in the principle, gentle in the manner,” which allows firmness to be maintained without offending anyone.
Does Mass count if I’m caring for my children?
The Code of Canon Law states that the faithful are “obliged to participate in the Eucharist on holy days of obligation.” However, it notes that people who have “a serious reason (for example, illness or the care of small children) or who are dispensed by their own pastor” are excused from attending.
Those who “deliberately fail to fulfill this obligation commit a grave sin,” the Catechism of the Catholic Church states in No. 2181.
Pope Francis has also addressed the issue. During a homily at the Vatican in 2020 while baptizing 32 babies, he told parents: “Don’t be afraid, let the children cry. However, if your child cries or complains, maybe it is because he’s too warm; take something off him; or because he’s hungry, breastfeed him quietly here.”
Vega explained that “the Mass counts in the same way if I am coming in and out to calm my restless child.” However, he recommended that “the child learn to be at Mass.”
The priest explained that in case the father or mother must leave the church — for example, to go outside to the atrium — they must remain “in their heart united to the divine worship that is being offered at the altar.”
What should not be done in this case, he said, is to use that time for distractions such as cellphones but rather “stay united, but on that side of the wall,” thus fulfilling the Sunday or holy day precept to be kept.
This story was first published by ACI Prensa, CNA’s Spanish-language news partner. It has been translated and adapted by CNA.
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If you have young children, by all means bring them to Mass. But here are my recommendations:
1. Before entering church, have the children use the bathroom at home before leaving. Alternatively, let them use the bathroom in church BEFORE Mass begins so they do not have to disrupt Mass once Mass has begun.
2. Sit in the rear pews so that incorrigible, noisy, crying children can be removed to the narthex during Mass.
3. Arrive on time. If you’re late, stand in the rear of the church. Do not approach the altar looking for empty seats. This is a distraction.
4. As parents, use your common sense. How you conduct yourself is a significant lesson for your children in how to be considerate of others.
4. At Communion and when two parents are present, let one parent watch the children who have not yet made their 1st Conmunion. Lining up children at the altar rail or in the Communion line as if they’re going to receive Communion is distracting. And, moreover, children should not approach the altar expecting a blessing. They should be told that the blessing is given to everyone at the end of Mass by the priest or bishop.
Nope….
Bring them to the front pew so that distractions are lessened…
I was a baby priest when I met a couple crying after Mass…
Whats wrong?
We were overjoyed upon hearing children talking & crying in Church.
Why?
They had just escaped from communist Yugoslavia and had never heard a child cry & be loud at Holy Mass…
Let’s stop the don’t disturb signs & put up with some noise!
Nonsense! Why not stop and ask others attending Mass what they think of parents who insist on sitting in front pews with noisy, crying or inconsolable children? Let me ask you, Father, if you were in attendance at a concert in Carnegie Hall or Lincoln Center if you’d appreciate having a crying baby seated next to you in the front of the music hall. Let’s now compare concert attendance with the re-presentation/remembrance of Christ’s Passion, Death on the Cross and Resurrection which the Mass is. All I’m saying is let’s exercise some common sense and consideration of others.
Thank you. Even St. Teresa’s parents did not take her to Mass, when she was little, and she was a saint. When children reach the age of reason, you can reason with them. Explain the reason for Mass and the need for silence. The Milennials, however, don’t even seem to say “ssh.” No discipline.
Every child is different but even some very young children can be taught to be quiet & respectful at church & in public places. I see that at the TLM & in other cultures. My Mennonite friends bring their large families to church services & everyone’s well behaved.
I think we can operate from two extremes-one expecting too much from families trying to raise young children or expecting too little from them.
I agree. A little discipline goes a long way. parents shouldn’t be afraid to say “No.”
Just be glad you have children at Mass!
See my comment above.
Infants and toddlers are not in control of themselves in the same way older children might be and we should be patient and tolerant. Having young families with babies at Mass is a very good thing and something to celebrate.
But occasionally parents can take that tolerance for granted. I know mothers who have followed the “Gentle Parenting ” model of childrearing and some can be oblivious to the disruption their children cause.
Babies don’t know any better but their parents should. Everyone deserves respect and consideration at church.
All in all, the parents should be teaching their kids why they are going to Church, and how important it is to be a Catholic. Poorly catechized faith formation teachers with liberal views should not be anywhere near your kids if you want the faith to remain in them as they get older. YES! Bring them to Mass always, most parishes have a cry room. Ignore the disapproving frowns from the typical boomers, and raise your kids strong in the True Faith.
PS: Unless it’s a baby who needs a bottle, most toddlers can go an hour or so without needing cry suppressant snacks. Food in general should not be given to kids before, and not during the Mass, unless it’s an emergency. That can be a distraction that can easily be solved by a firm “NO” from Mom or Dad.
Yup. After Mass you see Cheerios everywhere in the pews, on the floor, …
I meant to say above that parents SHOULD feed their kids BEFORE Mass and not DURING Mass. My new phone’s keypad is overly corrective.
Yes, I was thinking about the Cheerios! Don’t get me wrong, but during the Mass, Cheerios are the equivalent of a baby squirrel’s peanuts.
My phone misbehaves at times, too.
🙂
When a child is noisy or upset during a Mass I attend, I try to approach the parents afterwards.
I tell them that when I was young, Masses were filled with families with children, and there was crying and laughing and nose blowing during the entire proceedings. And it was glorious.
I tell them never to worry about the noise their children might make. It’s the sound of new life, of new hope, of faith in the future.
It’s a joyful, wondrous sound, and I wish we had much, much more of it.
“Montalvo said he often encourages parents to look for a parish where there are special celebrations for children.” WORST. ADVICE. EVER.
As a former Protestant, I had a hard time with fussy, noisy, or crying children in the Mass when I first started attending Mass. Protestant churches used to have nurseries which accommodated children through around age 3, and Children’s Church for children up through kindergarten and even through 1st and 2nd grade. (Some of the older churches even had miniature naves, with small pews, where the children would attend Children’s Church.) These nurseries and Children’s Church were staffed by volunteer church members, so there was no outlay of funds other than for cribs and other baby supplies, and first aid supplies (Band-Aids, etc.–nothing “medical”). And the childcare was FREE for the parents!
(Note–if there are nurseries in Protestant church at this time in history, many are managed by professional child-care agencies or individuals, and they are NOT free. This has occurred because of the many lawsuits for child abuse–so sad for the children.)
But as I learned more about the Mass and that it was not a “teaching time” only, but the time when Catholics receive Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, I was able to get used to crying children and fussy toddlers, and at this point in my life, I enjoy having little ones, even when they’re noisy, present!
HOWEVER…one thing I have learned in the 20 years that I have been Catholic is that many Catholics are woefully under-catechized, and many Catholics who attend Mass have some questionable (or just plain incorrect) understandings of various doctrines and teachings of the Church.
Traditionally the Catholic school system was the place where Catholics learned the Bible, the history of the Church, the biographies of the saints, and the teachings regarding how we should be living out our faith and being a witness of Christ and His Church to the world. As for those children who did not attend Catholic schools, there was something called CCD (Confraternity of Christian Doctrine–well, that makes everything clear as mud, doesn’t it?!) that was their means of learning all they needed to learn to be faithful Catholic Christians.
How did all that work out? Not too well, considering that in the Evangelical Church that I attended for the first 47 years of my life, at least 25% of the members (often more), including many of the pastors and teachers, were former Catholics. And many of the children who attended our Pioneer Clubs, AWANAs, and VBS and the teens who attended our lively youth group activities (which ALWAYS featured a time of teaching from the Bible, along with prayer) were Catholic.
In Protestant churches, one of the main “teaching times” is “Church”–the so-called “Worship Service”–in Evangelical Protestant churches, it is not unusual for the pastor’s sermon to last for 45-60 minutes, and often, there are overheads (in the old days!) and in modern times, videos or other visual aids, and often handouts are given to the congregation, and many people in the pews will take extensive notes (there is often a blank space in the church printed bulletin for that purpose).
Many pastors will utilize the Sunday sermon to teach an entire book of the Bible (over a period of several weeks or even months), and those who are in attendance will end up very knowledgeable about the Bible over the years–something which confounds many Catholics and causes some under-catechized Catholics to make the decision to leave Holy Mother Church and get into a Protestant church because they think that it’s “where the Word of God is taught!”
Yikes!
So, with much humility, considering that it was the Catholic Church that GAVE us the Bible, and that there is a wealth of sacred writings from the very first century that help us to know God and understand the Bible, and in modern times, there are many ways that Catholics can learn about the Bible, the Catholic Church, and various Christian topics (e.g., online, books by former Protestants and life-long Catholics, Catholic radio and television, etc.)—I would like to humbly suggest that all parishes examine their “Christian Education” program and make certain that there are plenty of opportunities for Catholics to become educated in their Christian faith and about the Bible OUTSIDE of the Mass, where there are no crying babies or restless, noisy toddlers to distract them.
The parish where my late husband and I went through RCIA (now called OCIA) utilized the skills of a former Evangelical Protestant pastor and his wife to teach the catechumens. The classes lasted 2 hours once a week, and the presentation was extensive, detailed, and usually made use of apologetics to make sure that the converts would be able to defend their decision to become Catholic when they were around all their Protestant relatives and friends–and believe me, those folks will put the pressure on their “wayward loved ones” who are “falling away from the teaching of the Bible and joining a pagan mystery cult!”
A simplistic OCIA program will, in my opinion, probably mean that most of the catechumens will become CINOs, and sadly, will probably continue to hold incorrect beliefs about Catholicism, especially when it comes to the various social issues (abortion, LGBTQ+ issues, sex outside of marriage, etc.). And they will be ignorant of the Bible and easy prey for Evangelical Protestant Christians and their lively churches that not only have great teaching in their worship services, but contemporary Praise and Worship times featuring professional musicians (and a stunning sound system with overheads and a light show!).
And let’s not kid ourselves–Catholics like this kind of stuff and get caught up in it! (Believe it or not, there are a lot of Catholics who do NOT like Gregorian Chant and pipe organs!) And they like it even better when a professional nursery and child-care center is available that their children love to attend while their parents are enjoying “church” without crying babies and fussy toddlers!
There are many wonderfully-written and well-designed Christian Education programs available for Catholics of all ages today. Totus tuus is a great way to TEACH young children and give them the opportunity for fellowship outside of Mass. There are also various clubs for young children (e.g. Little Flowers for girls, Blue Knights Boys Clubs for boys, etc.). Teenagers should definitely have options for Bible study, Christian education, prayer times, Adoration, and fellowship–LOTS of fellowship–a skilled Catholic youth pastor is well-worth the outlay of cash, along with parish members who are willing to become “youth group sponsors”! As for adults–Bible studies, prayer groups, various book studies, etc., are available and should be incorporated into the life of the parish. Theology on Tap is a great option for Catholics (and some Protestant churches are starting to recognize that enjoying a glass of wine or a beer isn’t a “mortal sin” and are offering some variety of this program to their younger adults!).
The Mass is a teaching/fellowship time, but I don’t think it should be the only teaching/fellowship time for most Catholics. If Catholics are involved with some type of Christian education outside of Mass, even just reading good books and going online (to sites like this one!), it won’t matter if babies and toddlers fuss loudly all the way through the Mass and they miss hearing everything the priest says. They will receive Jesus, Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity–and that’s what Mass is. The “education” aspects can and hopefully will happen OUTSIDE of Mass. If they do not–well, they will be happening at friendly Protestant churches all over town, along with really good music–and an aggressive outreach to lukewarm Catholics who haven’t received adequate catechesis/Bible study/Christian education.