I’m a Jersey Guy who’s been away from living in New Jersey for almost 27 years. I was back last week with my son doing some painting in the house I still own there. On Friday night we wrapped up about 10:30 p.m. and my boy said he was hungry so, before returning to our motel, we were going to stop for a bite.
I didn’t think there was anything special about that because of the phenomenon of the Jersey diner. The Garden State used to be known for its diners: no-frills, community-based places for a good meal at a decent price that stayed open until late night, some even 24 hours. My favorite was the Reo Diner Woodbridge, an institution that, since the 1930s, for decades has been true to its motto, “Meet me at the Reo!”
We got there at 10:40 p.m. To my surprise we reached the front door to find it locked. There were still some folks inside, but it was clear they were the last customers on whom the manager was waiting to leave, not to let in new ones. The awning displays notwithstanding, the Reo was no longer “Open 24 Hours!”
As John was hungry, I just started Googling other diners I remembered. Peter Pank in Sayreville—closed. Menlo Park on Route 1—“permanently closed.” Galaxy in Rahway. Ditto. After I ran out of local diners, we eventually located an Appleby’s in the Woodbridge Mall. That, too, was a surprise: when it opened in the early 1970s, Woodbridge Mall was a popular site but, last Friday night, it looked rather abandoned. We got there to find a group of mostly twenty- and thirty-something young people, a respectable—but certainly not crowded—showing.
Having known the Jersey diner as a place of encounter, I began to ask people about its apparent demise. I’m told a lot of the decline occurred during the COVID era. Diners closed. Some never came back. Those that did reopened with fewer hours. And the “night life” was gone.
Peers told me about memories of going out to movies, dances, or even drinking and then stopping at a local diner for a late night bite and some last goodbyes before making their ways home. I was also told those days are gone.
I’m not going to get into the economics—both for diners and for people who might go to them—or into our pandemic policies four years ago. I want instead to prompt some (semi)-theological thinking: “it is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18).
I’m beginning to ask whether, today, we still believe that?
Yes, there are generational differences, something my kids remind me of if I seem not to take sufficient account of it. But those generational differences do not simply explain, much less justify, the seeming retreat today from the “other”.
Last Friday was a Friday night three weeks before Christmas. One of the most active times of the year. And the two towns I was in share nearly 100,000 people between them. It’s hard to believe they all just want to sit at home, maybe stare at a screen, and go to bed.
But getting people out of the house doesn’t seem to be just a “weekend” or “nighttime” problem. Employers in those sectors that have been operating on hybrid or virtual schedules are also experiencing pushback (to a large degree, also generational) against full-time return-to-the-office. That split also seems to cleave along class lines: most of the blue-collar and/or more physical work (from store clerks to health care personnel) has long been back in their workplaces, while government, IT, and other sectors more conducive to “virtuality” still cling to “remote” work.
Employers have also learned that physical workplace presence is not just about “efficiency” or “supervision” of “performance.” There are valuable human skills, including informal exchange of knowledge and experience and building of morale that comes from the multiple interactions of the workplace, including the legendary “water cooler.” Those experiences cannot be replicated virtually from home.
Italians have even spoken of a phenomenon, marcire a letto (“rotting in bed”). By that term, author Paolo Giulisano speaks of the bed “as the privileged place to spend the day,” not just to sleep in. It becomes a place to sleep, eat, vegetate, be entertained, and even “work.” Increasingly, life assumes a horizontal, undressed, unshaven norm.
Which leads me back to the Genesis statement: it is not good for the man to be alone.
In his “Theology of the Body” addresses, St. John Paul II noted what many Biblical scholars point out about that passage: who makes that assessment? It is not Adam who complains about his aloneness. He doesn’t seem to say anything. It is God who looks at the human situation and declares, “it is not good for the man to be alone.” It is He who changes it.
In doing so, Genesis 2 affirms the same truth as Genesis 1, when the latter speaks of humans created from the beginning, “male and female.” The point is: humans are inherently social beings who need other human beings.
But, it seems, there are plenty of trends in our modern world that want to deny that truth.
It is not “good” for people to “rot in bed.” It is not “good” for people to lounge around the house alone, producing reports or letters or commentary alone, absent human interaction. It is not “good” that the home be folded into the workplace. It is not “good” for young folks, three Fridays before Christmas, not to have safe, normal, and relatively healthy places to go even at night.
Like a diner.
I mention that because I think there are plenty of unsafe and unhealthy places they might be attracted to. Clubs that are sexualized. Gambling, which is increasingly focusing particularly on young men: a recent issue of The Economist tells us, with glib assurance, “America’s gambling boom should be celebrated, not feared.” Drugs, especially with the legalization of marijuana and sometimes even harder drugs in (mostly Democratic) jurisdictions as well as the scourge of fentanyl crossing our borders.
Pundits today lament the decline among young people even of dating, which, of course, then leads to the decline of marriage and, later, fertility. In my day, the diner was also a place to sit, talk, and get to know somebody else. What has replaced that function (because I fear nothing has)?
Mark Bauerlein, the author of The Dumbest Generation, has argued that the pervasive proliferation of screens has “stupefied” people. He doesn’t just mean they don’t read as much as they used to or that their intellectual curiosity has been blunted into 240-characters. He also means that such interaction has impaired the natural human need for interpersonal interaction: what passes as “communication” might better be called an exchange of data, because it is often neither interactive nor synchronous. Don’t believe me? I’m 65. When I was younger, people ran to answer the phone that didn’t tell them who was calling. The New York Times recently ran a modern etiquette feature in which folks debated whether a spur-of-the-moment call is polite.
My Woodbridge diner’s motto was “meet me at the Reo.” One wonders what’s up with a society where simple, ordinary, community-based places to “meet me at” are disappearing. And when people seem not to need to “meet.” Does it still think “it is not good … to be alone?”
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Modernists’ community has been narrowed down to four, at best: Me, Myself, I and my screen. Man has not only lost his relationship with God but no longer has the same interdependence with other persons. Man only has himself…and his screen.
The demise of diners came about when the waitresses – all named “Flo” – all moved to Florida.
An ode to a dying culture… Sad that they’ll yawn at the death of the jersey diner but lose their mind if the internet is down for 15 minutes.
The decline in the NJ diner began a decade before COVID-19. Yes, a few were lost due to the pandemic, but most of the diners mentioned were long gone years before. Part of it was many diners in NJ were opting to ditch the 24 hour schedule long before 2020 due to profit loss. The other part was because of the ban on indoor smoking. The loss of indoor smoking meant all of those late night owls, the third shift workers, working class heros, and the punk rock kids were no longer welcome to sit at the diner for hours drinking coffee and chain-smoking with their friends. “Family-friendly” and “working class” do not mix. And so the indoor smoking ban has done far more to destroy community among people than anything else. The social, mental, and emotional benefits of smoking seemed to be greater than any health risk caused.
When people became Mrs. Karen Snowflake clutching their pearls and wringing their hands over every activity they don’t personally approve, that’s when community started to decline. Society as a whole needs to stop Karen-ing one another to the point of unresolvable resentment.
For the record:
The Menlo Park Diner shut down due to fire and water damage sustained after a kitchen fire.
The Peter Pank Diner closed down 9 years before the pandemic.
The Galaxy Diner changed owners in 2014 and was struggling for years after the change. The pandemic was used as cover for the owner to close up.
I agree, Dr. Grondelski! My dad, who died in 2013 at the age of 83, lived mot of his life on a farm in a small town that was close to a large city (he worked as a pipe-fitter in a factory in that city for over 40 years). After my mom died (in 2000), he lived with my brother, but my brother worked a 2nd shift and was gone all afternoon and evening. Dad was a very social person who loved conversation with other people–didn’t matter what class, race, income level, occupation–he would just open a conversation, and they were off to the races!
In his last several years, all the old restaurants in the small town in his farming area closed down–but there was a McDonald’s! For many of those ten years, Dad would drive to that McDonald’s every evening and so did around 20-40 other people. All ages, mainly older, but some young folks. They would sit in an area where there were actual tables with chairs (not booths with plastic benches, or those awful high seats with charging stations for the computer or phone), and they would each order something–for some, an entire meal, for others, a sandwich, a cup of coffee, an order of fries, a shake (they would call it a “malt”), an ice cream–or an apple pie (a poor substitute for the triangles of homemade pie that the old restaurants used to serve, but it still tastes pretty sweet!).
And they would talk and solve the problems of the world–their world, but also the bigger world outside of their small town and old home and farms. (I wish our current politicians would do more of this!).
When my dad died, one of his older friends who lived near his farm told me that she missed hearing his old pickup every night driving down the road and then home again.
And the McDonald’s employees sent a huge floral wreath to his funeral.
Of course, that McDonald’s was shut down for sit-down business during COVID. And after COVID, the tables and chairs were replaced with tall plastic chairs and tables that most seniors are not able to access and that kept people “socially-distant”. The talk group doesn’t meet anymore.
A lot of good feelings, trust, and practical help for some folks came out of that conversation group. Today, I try to chat with people, but most people look at me in shock or fear and I can tell that they think I’m going to try to con them. Thankfully my brother has found a little locally-owned restaurant near his home, and he is there every day talking to anyone who wants to talk. I wish I could find a talking place. I probably wouldn’t spend so much time on forums like this one talking to people that I can’t even see. But thanks for reading this anyway.
You should pay a visit to my part of the country, Mrs. Sharon. People will talk your head off but sometimes it’s in French.
🙂
They used to play euchre at our local BK one night a week. then it got renovated and smaller dining area and that ended.
Solitude is also a great blessing. Time spent alone with God is a precious gift which must not be neglected in this busy, cluttered world.
But solitude can be a a curse for people who are lonely and long for the days when they could talk to people at work, church, and with neighborhood friends. and regularly have family dinners with out of town relatives. I’m sitting in a Subaru shop
right now waiting for my car to get a minor repair and everyone here is staring at their Iphone, including me! I had a nice conversation with a man from my suburb, but when his car was finished, he left and no one seems interested in solving the problems of the world in conversation! I’m a widow (my beloved husband died of COVID in2020) and I miss having conversations!! I grew up in a family who talked! Even in my parish, everyone just runs out the door after Mass! Oh, well.
My dear sister in Christ. I had a minor operation today and was pushed to the door in a wheelchair by an elderly volunteer at the hospital. I talked to her about her work and she express so much joy. She proudly told me of the almost 2000 hours she has given to the hospital and how much it means to her. She has made many close friends doing this and they do many things together outside of their work. Perhaps you could find some outlet in giving so that you would not feel alone. I will pray for
you and may you have a very blessed holiday. I have a feeling that your husband will be with you as well. May God bless you richly.
We used to have coffee and donuts after Sunday mass, is there place you could do that?
No Waffle Houses in New Jersey?
Waffle House is garbage food.
Oh dear. Well we do disagree then. As would my children and grandchildren who enjoy Waffle House. My favorite item there is the country ham.
🙂
Yes, Waffle House is terrible. The last time I went was a few years ago while traveling. The servers were handling food without gloves & the place just looked dirty – I never went back. Even so, there are no Waffle Houses anywhere near me in South Jersey, the closest being in Delaware, round trip about 52 miles. Definitely not worth the trip, imho.
I do not think that the growth of sports gambling is good. The ads extol gambling on your phone from the comfort of your couch. Some people can do this and be OK,but many become addicted and go deeply into debt, gambling with borrowed money.
The State of Maryland where I live, pushed their “pick 3l daily numbers. You have a 1 in 1000 chance of winning. But if you win,you only get $500. A suckers bet. No thanks.
When I travel cross county to visit my sons, my first choice is a Waffle House more for the community as the food, never fast food not chains though I keep my eyes pealed for the small mom & pop restaurants & diners.
Per what I saw on the internet, Waffle House isn’t an option currently in New Jersey & a number of other states. Which seems a shame if family owned options are disappearing.
Owning a family restaurant is a serious investment of time & capital that fewer people choose these days. One of my favorite places to eat was a little family run lunch diner that had an jukebox & a plaster bust of Elvis. The owners peeled all the Irish potatoes by hand & their sweet tea was poured boiling hot at the table into fruit jars filled with ice. Sadly there were no children or grandchildren who wanted to take over the diner so it eventually closed.
Have lived in New Jersey all my life (80 years minus 4 years that I served in the Navy). Know exactly what Dr. Grondelski is talking about. Fast food restaurants that stay open late, and internet Uber service have eliminated diners. Internet shopping with home delivery has minimized the shopping malls. Face to face human interaction has been reduced. We talk to each other via screens. Human contact has been put to the wayside. Sad.
Why shouldn’t fast food places remain open late? For truckers it’s a lot easier to grab something quick on the go rather than having to go through the whole ordeal of waiting to be being seated, waiting for a waitress, excessive waiting while your food is prepared, and even more dilly dallying waiting for the check to come. There’s also the factor of affordability. And there’s no need to waste more money on tipping the fast food employee. There are also the overworked parents who are held past their shifts or end up stuck in gridlock traffic. For them fast food is a life and time saver.
All of the online services you complain about have also opened up the world for people with disabilities to be able to participate in society and to acquire items they need without having to leave their homes or suffer from their disabilities.
Uber provides access to a mode of transportation for people who cannot drive. Internet shopping and home delivery provides people with disabilities to access medications, groceries, other basic necessities. It allows them the dignity of being able to take care of themselves without having to rely on the (practically non-existent) kindness of others to want to get up and help them.
We should not rob people of things that improve the quality of and give them a little more dignity in life.
I think she was just stating a fact, she never said they shouldn’t stay open late.
How many companies will there be left in 50 years?; there used to be a saying, ‘Variety is the spice of life.’
About 30 years ago, I lived in north central NJ for 6+ years. Last spring, I spent a number of days in old NJ haunts. Many small but SUPERB bagel eateries still were doing well in many small town strip malls. I never did frequent diners so wouldn’t have noticed if they’d gone.
NEAR my PNW home, many good restaurants shuttered doors during Covid and never re-opened, many explaining that they could not survive the lost revenue wrought by the governments’ un/scientific social distance and restricted occupancy recommendation/regulations.
Large national corporate chains did survive. Too bad they offer ambience of yawning uniformity and food of equivocal quality. If RFK Jr. can persuade large numbers of us to not desire foods like those at McDonalds’s or Dunkin’ Donuts, perhaps the number of small, unique, family-owned diners and eateries could upswing.
No, it is not good for people to be alone. Thank goodness many of us still have homes in which to host family and friends. Although the number of us having a home is also in decline. Reclaiming a semblance of a wholesome culture requires us all to do our part, to pray, to work to rebuild what has been broken, lost, or stolen.
May God cheer us all with the hope of Christmas.
It’s very plain to see that parishes have their work cut out for them in fostering community. Why couldn’t a parish sponsor a downtown coffee house for the expressed purpose of creating community? What is needed is a hangout for septagenarians and older.
There’s something like that for students at the Catholic center for the state University down the road from us but I’m not aware of a Catholic coffee house for other folks. I think it’s a great idea considering that loneliness has become epidemic in our society.
I think it’s more balanced & healthier for people of all ages to hang out together when possible. We know a wise Irish priest who said that when he reached a certain age he realized he needed to not just surround himself with older folks like him. Those conversations always turned to things like hearing loss & knee replacements. Younger people mix up the conversation topics more.
🙂
Socializing is difficult unless it is within your own affinity groups. The only very close friends I ever developed in life, other than sports teams in my youth, were in the pro-life movement, and some of us get together, at a quiet bar, drinking very very slowly to avoid much, every couple of weeks on a Saturday night, which might include my parish priest. He does thank our “meetings” with helping him to be mindful to never give a wimpy Mr. Rogers neighborhood homily.
It is not that important where it takes place, but the young especially need sane places to socialize, perhaps agreeing to all leave their phones at home, except for the designated driver, and never forget to keep your clergy in your social groups.
Great job, my fellow New Jerseyan!Still plenty of diners around Jersey, NY and Pa! God bless!
and the diners that remain have been converted in to woke, pagan chapels for boomers. and the food sucks; viz Miss Worcester.
this is no mean phenomenon. it is the signal event in the decline of civilization.