What is it about the comment sections of websites that attract the outrageous?
I suppose that there’s something intoxicating about sharing one’s thoughts in print, utterly democratized by the internet, unfiltered and raw. Add anonymity to this cocktail and people summon the courage to say almost anything.
I usually avoid such corners of the internet, but I confess that I did linger over news comment sections when my family and I were in the news. It is admittedly hard not to be curious, wondering what people were saying about us.
The circumstances that thrust us into news headlines were unpleasant. On March 10, 2022, my 23-year-old son Michael was on his way to his job as a fifth-grade schoolteacher, when he was abruptly murdered in cold blood. The young man who committed this crime is now serving a 40-year sentence in a Texas prison, parole eligible in half that time.
The online commentary was generally compassionate. People said some very nice things about the remarks I made in the courtroom when I confronted the perpetrator for the first time in person.
Mingled with the kindnesses, however, I found a lot of vengeful sentiment. Anonymous commenters spoke of the awful things they would do if they had been in my shoes; some took pleasure in thinking about the horrors that await the perpetrator in the Texas prison system; several expressed a desire that the perpetrator burn in hell for eternity.
So many of these angry, vengeful, hateful things are very easy to say. And when it’s your son that has been murdered, they’re even easier to feel.
All of this came to mind again because of the recent decision by President Joe Biden to commute the death sentences of 37 prisoners on federal death row, leaving them to live the rest of their days in prison without parole. Some reactions to this decision sounded all too familiar, but one stood out from the rest. (Note: I do not agree with Biden’s decision. I see nothing unjust in the use of capital punishment in these cases, especially when considering that some of these are murderers who continued to murder people while in prison. Each case should be viewed individually, of course, but my point is that capital punishment can be a just punishment.)
Our former-and-new President, Donald Trump, had this to say: “Also, to the 37 most violent criminals, who killed, raped, and plundered like virtually no one before them, but were just given, incredibly, a pardon by Sleepy Joe Biden. I refuse to wish a Merry Christmas to those lucky ‘souls’ but, instead, will say, GO TO HELL!”
Over the last two or three years, I have developed a renewed appreciation for what it means to believe what you say. Each day of my life, I would repeat the words of the Lord’s Prayer: forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. We are called as Christians to forgive, and every single day, we ask Our Lord to forgive us by that same measure. If I am to be forgiven by Our Father in heaven, I need to forgive my brother.
I knew in my mind that I needed to forgive the young man who took my son’s life, but I struggled to believe it in my heart. What helped to soften my hardened heart was reflecting on Jesus’ parable of the lost sheep in the Gospel of Luke.
“Just so, I tell you,” says, Jesus, “there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance” (Lk 15:7).
More joy in heaven? There can be more joy in an eternity with God? If a cold-blooded killer repents and turns towards the light, there will be more joy in heaven.
Why not the guy who killed my son? Who am I to stand in the way of more joy in heaven at his repentance?
These were some of the thoughts, the key moments of grace that helped me on the journey to forgiveness. I can earnestly desire the eternal salvation of the young man who killed my son. Salvation is the ultimate goal of the repentance that Jesus preached constantly in the Gospels, and his disciples after him (e.g. 2 Peter 3:9: “…not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance”).
Put another way, if you desire someone’s damnation, that puts you actively at odds with the Lord. Siding with Satan: that ‘s not a great place to be.
None of this merciful talk is meant to dismiss the need for justice. We mustn’t forget that justice is a virtue. I do not think it is a stretch to say that at least some of the 37 convicts deserved the death penalty, and I can completely understand the frustration of the families who sought that outcome and were deprived of it. I know such pain firsthand.
The young man who killed my son “only” murdered one person, so capital punishment was never even discussed. In time I came to realize that any search for justice on this earth would end in frustration; no amount of earthly retribution can return Michael to us. There is no happiness to be found in more evil or suffering. How hard do we have to look to see that “an eye for an eye” doesn’t end well?
The imperfections of mankind will never provide the true and complete justice found only in Our Father in heaven. I’ll do the best I can in this world, and focus on reunion with my son in the next one.
“Go to hell” is easy to say, trivially or earnestly. It is a sentiment in which no joy can be found. More joy can be found in repentance–it’s right there in the instructions.
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This is beautiful. I cannot even begin to imagine the agonizing journey that Mr. Echaniz took to get to this point.
Thank you so much for sharing this article and I’m so very sorry that you and your family experienced that tragedy.
As Christians we have the blessed hope of being reunited one day with those we have lost. How hard it must be for those who have no faith or belief in that?
Thank you for your witness of charity and forgiveness.
God bless you and your family. May your dear son rest in peace.
Thank you for your witness. Prayers for your son, his murderer and all involved.
For those harboring hatred for another in their hearts, I ran across this practical plan to forgive:
How to start:
1. Express what you feel to God and if possible to the person.
2. Seek comfort and friendship – especially In God and in others (don’t keep it inside)
3. Shift from an ill-will to good will (cursing to blessing)
How to forgive:
1. To begin: be quiet and allow the Lord to remind you of the oldest, strongest memory you have of pain with another person, and begin with that person.
2. In the name of Jesus, Forgive that person for each specific injury —one by one. “In Jesus’ name, I forgive _______ for ________. Then move on to the next injury.
3. When you can’t think of any more, then move on to the next person and repeat the process.
4. When you reach your limit and you can’t forgive a person for a particular thing, then ask Jesus for the grace—tell Him you want to, but need His help.
5. Praying blessing over the person. “Jesus, I forgive _____ for ______. I pray they would know You and Your mercy, not for my sake but for theirs.
God desires the salvation of all. Capital punishment may deprive an unrepentant sinner of their eternal salvation, and deliver them to eternal damnation. Ultimately, we should want what God wants.
Some people believe the opposite: that capital punishment forces an offender to take stock of his transgressions & make his peace with God.
I’m not a supporter of the death penalty. I think it gives the state way too much power. And often the difference between a life sentence & a death sentence is the ability to afford decent legal representation. But there may be some rare occasions where it’s the only way to protect society.
If we oppose capital punishment the it seems it’s our responsibility to ensure a life sentence really means life. That we don’t turn our criminal justice system into a revolving door letting dangerous sociopaths back out to reoffend. That’s been the case over & over again where I live.
“Capital punishment may deprive an unrepentant sinner of their eternal salvation, and deliver them to eternal damnation.”
Capital punishment does no such thing. If anything, it should focus people’s attention on their spiritual state and make repenting a priority.
My condolences on the loss of your son. What a tragedy.
I am afraid however I do not agree with your need to give a blanket pardon to a murderer. Seeking forgiveness is a pre-requisite for pardon. For such a person to be forgiven, they must see their error, and want and ask for forgiveness. Let me guess—you son’s murderer did not do that. Even if he had, many more murderers and rapist types DO NOT. There are MANY prisoners who have been jailed for these sorts of things and yet continue to offend. They are either that lacking in personal sensibility, that amoral, or that defiant. In any case they do not care in the least about what they have done or who has been hurt by their actions.
There are many people for whom savagery and barbarism is a part of their mindset. These people do not deserve “forgiveness”. And clearly, they do not seek it. My husband was murdered in the 9/11 attacks. I consider it a blessing most of his murderers died at the same time, so they are not at liberty to harm anyone else. As for those terrorists retained at Gitmo, It is useless to hope for the death penalty for them in our currently limp-wristed society. Failing that option, I pray they are then retained there in Gitmo until their DEATH, for as many years as that takes.
There are too many recidivist violent criminals in the world. There are too many irrationally hate filled people like those who perpetrated the October 7th atrocity. A wimpy blanket pardon for them, absent their repentance, is among the most offensive things I can imagine. It is my opinion they deserve ZERO consideration or kindness.
Yes, as Catholics we are taught that God is merciful. We are also taught he is JUST. Little note is taken of that fact in todays Church. Far too much of what I read about modern theological thought focuses on His mercy and NEVER on his Justice. As though that particular aspect of God simply doesnt exist. That is a one sided view of God and likely not an accurate one, as Jesus made reference to hell in the afterlife. . I would like to imagine that God is at least as fair as the average flawed human.
When God forgives, he grants a pardon. And He does this only when a person repents, and every time he repents, which is only possible because He knows each person’s heart.
When a man forgives, he turns the person over to God, with a whole-hearted request for the person’s pardon. When God offers pardon and mercy, every person has the ability to choose to accept or reject it.
Justice is what we all get, if we reject the mercy that none of us deserve. Forgiveness, by definition, is never deserved.
Some medievals had a correct notion of the interplay between justice and mercy: they kept a priest available for the accused all the way to the executioner’s block, while Catholics stood nearby, praying the rosary for his repentance, so that he could have eternal bliss. In modern times, we seem to shy away from publicly praying for murderers’ repentance, as well as from justice.
Prayers for your family on the loss of your beloved son. May you and your family find The Peace that only Christ can bring,
“What is it about the comment sections of websites that attract the outrageous?“
It has been my theory that Donald Trump is a walking comment from websites. He connects to the baser Elwood our nature. I don’t know if the thought occurred to you too but you kind of made the point. And it’s sad to say that even Catholic websites are just as uncharitable.
My heart goes out to you for the loss of your son. I can only imagine the hurt. The worst that has ever happened to me was being mugged with no actual violence but even there it took me years to forgive in my heart. Let the passing of your son be an instrument to further deepen your faith. You’ll be reunited one day.
Elwood is an autocorrect typo. I meant to say he connects with the baser elements of our nature.
I first assumed Elwood was an alias for Wormwood.
🙂
Elwood is an autocorrect typo. He connects to the baser elements of our nature is what I intended.
Prayers to the OP and his family. Forgiving someone who committed a grievous wrong is a great virtue which too many people, myself, fail to exercise these days. May God grant us the strength to do so, for our salvation and those who trespass against us.
It is easy to talk about forgiveness in the abstract, but for most, maybe all of us, we know in practice that a particular injury sticks in the heart and can require a real effort and repeated process to exorcise.
I think vengeance is described well as a spirit. It requires pride, engages human weakness, it involves disobedience, it is rationalized as a concern for justice.
The clarity of the issue for a personal approach is found in several verses and holy eexamples. “Avenge not yourselves…vengeance is mine, says the Lord, I will repay.” “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” etc.
As far as the State in concerned in its exercise of Divine prerogatives as an instrument of temporal justice the highest authority on earth for moral matters has on current issue the following:
Capital Punishment is inadmissible
I say as Catholics we follow this and leave off resistance and charitably oppose those who want to find some space still for this kind of punishment.
My sincerest condolences for your son. May perpetual light shine upon him. This was a moving article and I’m impressed with your Christian charity and mercy. Thank you for the example.